Tantrum -- darn it!

So I tried, I really did. I didn't pick up a pen. I ignored my notebooks. I avoided the internet and the writer's lists. I forced myself to imagine a life without creating stories. "It can't be THAT hard," I assured myself.

I've quit jobs before. It's sometimes a painful process, but then I move on. I don't dwell on that stuff anymore. I look forward.

As I was planning my new life -- the one without telling stories -- my mind drifted to one on my characters and I wondered what her inner desire would be under similar circumstances. I wondered about her "foil" and the kind of trouble I could make for the two of them.

Wait!

Stop!

I quit! Remember? I wasn't going to be a writer any more. I MUST think of other things.

And then there I was -- in another unguarded moment -- with pen in hand, scratching out words on a page, solving a plot problem in another tale.

Heavy sigh.

Right now the internet is filled with inspiration from that Susan Boyle woman, the model of staying true to your dreams and your talent. Oh yes, I've seen the YouTube video -- about a hundred and eleven times. I've cried. I've wept. I've wanted the best for her. I've even been envious! She's younger than me, after all, and way more talented!

We're all envious, and we're all jumping and cheering for her. She's us. She's normal. She just wants to sing really, really good.

So, what I'm saying is, this was a bad week to try to quit telling stories. I wasn't doing a very good job of quitting anyway, and then all that inspiration seeped into the internet and my computer and my soul.

This is what I do. I never have stopped, after all these years. Maybe I'll never be published, maybe I will, but each day of my life, that doesn't matter. What matters is the stories. What matters is being true to me.

This blog comment, by JT Ellison, sticks with me today: "We have to believe in ourselves fully and completely and unquestioningly BEFORE we can get anyone to believe in us. It's a combination of confidence and humility and that secret knowledge that God has reached down and touched a part of us, whether we look like it or not. It applies to anything you want, any dream you have."

Okay, your turn. Anyone out there tried to quit a secret dream? Are you willing to tell what happened, what the dream was?